Thursday, March 26, 2009

~*Random Musing of a confused mind*~

Few days back, I was all alone at my place, sitting in the balcony with a coffee mug in hand watching the clouds hovering over the city and thinking about my life. All of sudden, a relaxed strain of some song came and I mutedly listened the lexis through the warren of feelings in my minds.

What amazed me the most was the dark, crispy and smooth voice mixed along with the profound words, teasing the thin cloak of stillness around me and irk quite a few cracks in it.

The song was
Kiska rasta dekhe,
Aye dil, aye saudaai;
Miilon hai khamoshi,
Barson hai tanhaai;
Bhuli duniya kabhi ki-
Tujhe bhi, mujhe bhi;
Phir kyun aankh bhar aayi.

And I don’t know why, my eyes became wet.
And I am still confused why this happened.

When I thought bout it, I blamed it to two thoughts "Life is not effortless" and "Life is not just." But these are the only facts that help me moving up in life. When we know that yes life is not effortless or just, it help us in accepting the life as it comes, dealing with the problems of life and being magnanimous. It also helps us by making easier to deal with reality.

But still why after fully accepting the depth of life I still blame myself and judge whether I have done right things or am I doing right now.

I was indulged in the thoughts then all of sudden the music changed to I'm tired of looking by a band known as True Sounds of Liberty (TSOL) (I knew this a lot later). What hold my attention were the lyrics which were quite hard hitting ones.

I'm tired of looking (It's not in my vision)
I'm tired of seeing (Don't wanna see this)
I'm tired of hearing (Don't tell me your shit)
I'm tired of being (So why am I here?)
I'm tired of life (And all of its jokes)
Imaginary lines (To fool the fools)
Imaginary rules (To live your life by)
And all the worlds' fools
Life is so easy when you're told what to do
Where to work and how to be you
Who's gonna hear it (Scream till you die)
Who's gonna know it (Your conscience your mind)
Who even cares (No one but yourself)
It's hopeless (You're hopeless)
because of the process,
because of the system,
because you're still laughing,
because you don't listen,
because of the process,
because of the system,
because you're still laughing,
because you don't listen”
But still, What if I abhor my life? Or maybe I don’t quite hate it, but what is true that I am just not happy with the current situation.

What am I going to do??
Surrendering my life to my fate and just wait how it comes.
Or I should look for some emotional feedback.
How should I choose my responses and Happiness?

As Alan Bennett said “Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key.”
I am still looking for my keys to open my heart…“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Lemme try to decide my path………

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